Broken

#dd if=/dev/brain of=blogg

It's now going on almost three years since my anxiety disorder first entered my life uninvited and about six months since I last slept properly, not feeling like I'd only had a few hours sleep.

Now marriage is on the horizon and life is getting twenty times busier, what with what feels like a one and only chance to recertify and upskill.

Finances are causing untold stress as well, which puts more pressure on me for the above reasons and future plans (read: family).

Sadly, I can only see realism and logic, 1's and 0's, if then else. This can and regularly does get perceived as negative, not very helpful to my cause.

My way of thinking probably isn't normal, but what is? More importantly, why should I change that if that is who I am?

I'm now at a point where my relationship with the fiancée is stretched to the point of breaking, like a rubber band that keeps stretching, but amazingly hasn't broken. Yet.

I can see part of my father in the way I do certain things, which scares the heck out of me, because I do not want to be like him. I want to be me, and I most certainly don't want to be encumbered by the same physical and/or psychological issues he portpotedly has.

I am so tired, both literally and figuratively and I am finding it very difficult to continue on this 'do until' or 'do while' life.

I'm also very disappointed in myself, for not getting the career on track earlier in my life.

I'm also frustrated that all my hard work isn't recognised at all, that I forget so many simple things, nor can I focus at my job or my studies, adding more stress in getting ahead.

I am not seeking sympathy, but I am trying to find positivity at work and in my life, which just aren't anywhere to be seen.

Resurrection of the Blog(s)

After a short discussion with a PLUG (Perth Linux Users Group) member, I have come to realise that syndication of my posts is probably better off on one or more of my Blogs (see sidebar or my profile for more information) and link them in Google+

The realisation came because I should not keep a walled-garden mentality and be more agnostic and probably more accessible to those who do not use the service while providing an easy method for those who do, to follow the link within the platform to read the article if they choose.

I will also be posting more personal matters here in order to help me collect my thoughts and work through my issues such as my anxiety disorder and the inherent depression that comes from it.

Again, you may choose to read it, or you may choose to ignore it.